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| to look back at past blogs. It's like peeking into a portal and seeing how I thought and how I viewed life in the past. To be honest, these past posts of mine are hard to read. If I met the high school version of myself on the street, I probably would not have liked him very much.
I always say that I'm still very much like an immature kid at 20. While in some ways this statement still holds true, reading my past blogs definitely shows me the ways in which I have matured. I definitely had the attitude of a cocky high school kid, even though at the time I considered myself more mature than the average high school kid. I wrote like I had the whole world figured out, as well as the rest of my life. But thank God for the curve balls that life so expertly throws at us like a Cy Young award-winner, or else I might still be the same annoying kid.
Here's to another 2 years without a single blog Xanga. Thank you for keeping track of my growth as a person.
Raymund Del Rosario - age 20 (see, I'm still a kid in some ways)
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| its 3 in the morning and i cannot sleep. tonight ive had iced tea, coffee, and cream soda. i dont know why. but it was a bad decision. but anyways. im back once again, doing what i do when i am absolutely bored out of my mind and there is absolutely nothing else to do. but my oh my do i have stories to tell. so to start off, have you heard? im on my second life.
my first life ended on the morning of january 10, 2007. i was driving in the early morning toward my college, racing to reach my first classes. i thought i was going to make it. it was 6 am and my tiredness was actually going away. i felt alert and confident. i knew it was a straight shot for another half an hour, so i was at a steady 75 mph. but then... a white rabbit decided to cross the street. it did not make it across the street. the poor thing died as well that morning, as it got acquainted with my left front tire. it caught me completely off guard. it had jumped out, hidden from the bushes. and it was a pretty big rabbit. the impact greatly startled me, and i swerved. i jerked my wheel, left and right, fallout boy playing in my cd player. before i knew it, i was upside down and all i could hear were the sounds of a horrific crash. my music stopped playing, just like they do in those movies when something bad suddenly happens. i rolled about 3 times onto the side of the road. the car ended up on its side, with the driver side up. when i was sure the car had stopped, i immediately unbuckled my seat belt and jumped out the driver's side window, which had already shattered and therefore open. i stumbled about, my thoughts a mess, my brain frantically trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. i circled my car just thinking, "oh god, what have i just done?" hah. oh yeah, let me tell you what put me in this situation in the first place.
this is perhaps one of the stupidest decisions i have made in my life. it actually all started back in november, when i was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. i was very excited for the christmas break the was coming up. i wondered what she was getting me for christmas and after some time and effort, she told me that she got me concert tickets. i was pretty ecstatic. i had never been to an actual musical concert before. "when?", i asked. she said, "january 9th, is that ok?". Me: "yeah sure. my classes don't start back up until the 10th." you see it coming don't you? a stupid decision. But it gets worse. Fast forward to january 9th, about 9am. i had told everyone that i was leaving that day. and so i left my house, with all of my necessary belongings. but instead of heading east, i headed west. i had a concert to attend.
i actually did some shopping first in the morning. i went to GreyOne in pasadena and dropped about 160 bucks for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Then went to neo39 and got 50 dollar vans. after that i headed back to tiffany's house at around 1pm. by then she was already done with school and so it was ok. i tried to get as much sleep as i could, which was not alot at all. finally at about 5:30 we decided to go so that we could get there early and be one of the first ones in. A Justin Timberlake concert at the Honda Center in Anaheim. Don't get me wrong, it was a good show. I had a lot of fun. But it will never amount to what i put myself, and others through. i tried to make a 6-hour drive after the concert, which ended at about 12:30am.
so don't hate the bunny, it was mostly my fault.
After giving up on saving my car, i went over to the road and tried to wave cars down. i had blood all over my hands and i couldn't wave my arms all the way up. i was certain that something was broken. i was pretty much saved by a guy named David. he was driving a white ford pickup truck. he took me to the nearest town gas station, where the lady that ran it phoned ambulance and police. They eventually got me on a stretcher and i got my first ambulance ride. we eventually got to the hospital, where i was relieved to find out after some x-rays that i had no broken bones. just a pulled chest muscle, some scratches on my hands, and a very sore neck. I felt truly blessed.
I finally got to my dorm at about 7 at night. Thats when i called my parents. I told them everything. i could tell they were disappointed in me, but they were just relieved that i was ok. My dad decided to drive out here as soon as possible. and then i called my girlfriend, and that was a pretty emotional moment. she was already crying, telling me how worried she was and how guilty she felt for buying me those tickets. at that point i just broke down. i couldn't get over how much pain i just caused, not just for my girlfriend, but for my whole family. i wished i had never burdened them with such a life threatening event, all because of my stupid decision making. i cried it all out, and i swore to my girlfriend that i would never again do anything that would make her or anyone else i loved be pained from worrying so much over my actions.
and i intend to keep that promise.
i am on my second life. my second chance. and i intend to make this one count. i guess it really is true, the saying "what does not kill you, makes you stronger." i do feel that this event has made me stronger in many ways. it has made me wiser, it has strengthened my faith in God even more, for this truly was a miracle. it has also strengthened my faith in other people. It was more than just a coincidence that all of the people that day were some of the nicest people i have ever met. the person that picked me up, the people at the gas station, the people at the hospital. that day i realized that i have been blessed by being surrounded with such great people. my roommates genuinely worried about me and did what they could to help me. one of them drove 3 hours to come get me from the hospital. So many people called in, or left messages on myspace, asking about my well being, being concerned about me. i truly cherish them all, and i thank God that i have the friends that i have.
quite a story huh? well it is now 3:38 am. i think that should hold you for another 3 or 4 months. haha. well until then, this is goodbye.
with each fall there is pain, but with each rise there is growth.
and with each growth, we are able to soar higher, and enjoy the fruits of life.
ray | | |
| its funny how i keep coming back to xanga after 3 or 4 months. well i guess this time its only because i am really bored. life is evolving as i somewhat expected...with a few bumps in the road. school is hard and therefore stressful. sometimes i am overwhelmed, not only by the work i have to do, but by the smarts that are surrounding me. right now i dont feel as smart as i used to. but anyways.. i am writing this in my own home, in my own bedroom, on my own bed. and it feels good. its hard going to college in another state. i mean, its easy when im busy with school work and all that jazz, but when i actually get some time to stop and think, it gets hard. theres no more feeling of familiarity. im not saying the people in arizona are shady. theyre not that at all, they are very friendly. good people. but its not the same as california. its not the same as my hometown. and its not the same as the people i know here. but then again this IS a part of growing up. it WAS my decision to go to this school. so i cant really bicker and complain. i could have easily gone to a cal state or something. but i want to do this. my goal is to become an aerospace engineer, and i will sacrifice these comforts in order to succeed. its the only way i can reach my goal, at least from my point of view. knowing that the future is uncertain is an uncomfortable feeling. but im gonna have to get used to this feeling, because no one is going to make my decisions for me anymore.
Problems aren't worth worrying about
they only exist so that we can solve them
not whine and complain about them.
problems are things that we look back at in life
and laugh.
why?
because the problems we have now, in the present,
will always be greater than the problems we had before,
in the past.
just some random thoughts.... i realized this when i was sitting around with my dad and uncles and their friends. i thought about all of the other times they gathered around with their beers and their pulutan...and what do they do? they talk about their past mistakes and the horrible situations they managed to get into, and they laugh about them. cause they know that the things they did, the mischief they caused as children, the teenage drama they went through, all of that doesn't compare to their problems today. and i think thats true for everyone.
ok well i think that about does it for this random rant. its been a stressful year so far in college. hopefully when i come back to xanga in another 3 or 4 months, things will have improved.
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| OK...so the last entry says i wont be going to a 4-year university. this is in fact NOT true =DDDDD yup yup i will be attending the Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, located in the middle of nowhere Prescott, Arizona. They actually have another campus in Daytona, Florida. i DID want to go there but theres some pluses and minuses. pluses obviously being a bigger city than prescott, its close to a pretty famous beach, aaaand theres probably lots and lots of hot girls walking around in little bikinis.MINUSES: well its alot further from home, and despite wanting to move out so bad, i really dont want to live tooo far away from my original home. PLUS, im not down to deal with all those hurricanes that Florida gets hahaha. AAND the hot girls are also a minus; it sucks being tied to a ball and chain ;) KIDDING. Oh yea, me and tiff are gonna try this long distance thing =\ ugh its making me nervous like you wouldnt believe. i reaaally hope it works out but im scared. im not as optimistic as i used to be...reality has bitten me too many times in the past. but we'll see how that goes...i guess its better to be a little skeptical, cuz if something happens and it doesnt work out, it wont hit me too hard. ill end up saying, "it would have happened eventually" and then ill move on. But enough of that. Oh yeah on a side note i did graduate recently hahaha. the ceremony was HOOOTTTTT. holy shit and they got us wearin these black gowns, yeah nice. now i know how those ants feel when kids get the magnifying glass and focus the sunlight on them. ugh, but anyways, we got through it fine. Except for one guy (matt sellers) he tripped BAD going up to get his diploma haha. after that we went to macaroni grill to celebrate. both sides of the family were present, and we filled up 2 long tables (there were like 40 of us) lol. but the best part of that was....graduation presents! cha ching! then after that, went to juans house to chill at his little graduation gathering.... i scared him by popping out of his sisters closet =D it was perrrrrfect...Malynda is a witness. thennn...went to ANOTHER party at my dad's co-workers house. they had a jumper but it was soo small i barely jumped and i could already touch the roof (no its not cuz im abnormally tall). saw theresa aka donut which was good cuz i havent seen her in awhile. met her boyfriend for the first time, and hes a pretty good guy. i approve =p. went home at like...1:30 cuz my dad got sucked into the poker game haha. KNOCKED the fuggout. next morning we had to go to church and surprisingly i didnt knock out during mass. fast forward to that monday i get my new laptop! (graduation present) as all college bound kids get, i guess. tuesday went to tiffs house to help her study for her math final. all these other days i stayed home.... oh yesterday! i went bowling with tiff and her fam....so funny, they said they sucked, i said i sucked...but then we did pretty good. then went out to eat, tried out this new buffet in chino hills its sooooo good. and thennnn me and tiff went to brea to just chill. we went to tower records and i bought COOOL RUNNINGS!!! =D then went back to her house, and right when i was about to leave...i lock my keys in the car -_- so lame.. thank god for AAA. got home around 12:30, no harm no foul. today i did nothing. got my last report card from bosco and it wasnt pretty but its enough to pass, ladies and gentlemen i have officially graduated from bosco today. well all of that sounded like good news doesnt it? well ill even it out with some bad news: im no longer on malynda's debut court =( but im not mad at all because i totally deserved it. i was doing fine in the beginning with the practices, but i fucked up in the end. 0 for 2 with the debut courts! =( bad luck i guess haha. third time's a charm??? we'll see.....
well until the next blog (whenever that will be)
Ray | | |
| umm....i dont know what to update about ahaha....life is a rollercoaster as usual. so many ups and downs its making me crazy....not really haha.well my bad habits as a student have caught up with me. i wont be attending any 4-year colleges anytime soon. my plan now is to go to community college. get in, get out, and go to a 4-year university. i also REALLY REALLY want to move out, which i know is gonna be really hard to convince my family into letting me. i mean, ive already disappointed them by not getting into any of the colleges i applied to. but its just something that i am going to have to deal with. bad times are inevitable and im just gonna have to get through them. because what comes after the bad days? good days. look forward to the good days. yup =P
other good things: debut practices!!!! as its my very first in a cotillion (thats what its called right?) im having alot of fun, cuz its cool group, plus dancing is always fun, especially when there is progress.
another good thing: it really seemed like it happened in a flash, but all of a sudden i have been with tiffany for 6 months, unscathed. Which means no fights or arguments of any kind. At the same time it kinda makes me worried, because when will the first one occur? But yea shes just so understanding and compromising. =)
and yea… I think that’s all I have to update for now
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